We lost Hannah last night.......a beautiful,vivacious, intelligent, elegant young woman. Someone who had her struggles in life without the addition of a bowel cancer diagnosis.
I can't actually pin point the day that I first met her, it feels like I have always known her....she was kind and caring even in the midst of her own turmoil she would think of others. I found out tonight that whilst I was in hospital as she became sicker she asked after me, I shed some tears after that news, they have been pouring on and off all day, poor Zak my youngest keeps double taking me and wondering whats up? I only wish that I had had the time to talk to her again but by the time I left hospital she had become very poorly. Oh I did explain to Zak, he said it was very sad especially as he met her last year when we went to cheer Dafydd on when he carried the Olympic torch, he said she was really nice.
I will treasure a handwritten card (she had beautiful handwriting) that she sent me to say thankyou for a card and gift I had sent her, so thoughtful, so lovely.
I will remember your laughter, your fantastic smile your friendship....I am thankful that you found love before leaving, mark was there to the end, not quite two years but he was there when she needed him in her corner and isn't it better to have the experience of true love than never to have had it at all? I hope that gives him solace in the hard times ahead.
Hannah was only 30, all her life ahead of her and snatched away by a disease that if caught early can be cured........this isn't just about old people, the bowel cancer community are fuming this needs to be resolved so that no more parents have to lose their child and everyone gets to live the life that they were destined for.
Sunday 28 April 2013
Thursday 25 April 2013
Back to the room with a view
Around The middle of March I suddenly felt unwell. Something like a bug I thought, temperature, lethargy lack of appetite.......so just ride it through and take pain killers. So I rode for a week and another by this time I wasn't even getting out of bed, the boys were bringing me glasses of milk which was the only thing I fancied and copious amounts of orange squash as I felt so thirsty.
By week three I had enough and called the enhanced recovery nurse I was in contact with through the surgery I had at tommies in Jan. She spoke with my surgeon who suggested I turn up at his clinic at guys the following day.
Wednesday 3rd April and I haul myself out of bed, manage to find something to wear leggings and a sloppy jumper easy......wash my hair..hard and dry it.....harder. I realise I won't make the walk to the station so drive the car down, park it precariously on a double yellow and stick my disabled badge in the window hoping for a sympathetic traffic warden. Just as I am about to get out the phone rings, it's Stuart from beating bowel cancer asking if I can do an interview with sky later that day as the is piece running on he cancer drugs fund......I wish I had the energy and time but had to decline. This was to be the last time I used my lovely expensive phone, somehow I managed to lose it on the way to the hospital, I wasnt with it to be fair but it couldn't have gone at a most in opportune time as once Mr George w and examined me he decided I should be admitted.
The ward is in St Thomas's so they got me a cab and I managed to negotiate the interminable lift to get to the ward.
On arrival I met Sarah a lovely nurse who only just started working there a couple of days after I had my op in Jan, like meeting an old friend.
Again I ended up in the worst bed on the ward near the entrance in the far corner, luckily a couple of days later the bed with the view became vacant and they swopped me over to the view of the London, the Thames and Westminster bridge.
Oh dear somehow I have just lost the rest of the blog I just wrote, not in the mood to try again so I will cut to the chase......
A CT scan and MRI indicated a mass around my bladder, this was impeding the left ureter and
caused it to become restricted in turn causing the left kidney to swell. Urology were sent to look at it and discussed stents and drains into the kidney. The hope also being that whatever the mass was when removed would resolve the problem.
I ended up having another smaller op under GA where they discovered that the mass was a large abscess, no wonder I felt so bad....this was cleared and biopsies taken of other tissues which turned out to be a return of the tumour....this is quick in the scheme of things ESP as to date my tumours have meandered along slowly. It doesn't happen too often apparently but in my case it has.
There isn't anything left in the way of surgery really but my consultant pondered on whether brachiatherapy might be an option. Planting radio active seeds straight into the tumour....the MDT discuss me on Monday so I shall have to wait till then to see what they think.
Can't say it isn't a pain that I am back to square one with less options, but I don't feel it's over yet, chemo is still available though at this moment I am not up for it I just want a bit of time feeling normal again, I am still fighting with energy levels. I am not wailing or bemoaning, what's the point?
sooner I got my paracetamol the better I would feel. At handover at 8pm I told the nurses that I was
starting to feel rough and they assured me I would get my tablets once they had finished. I waited and waited, the night nurse I hadn't met before Janis, I watched her come and go until after two hours she sat by the opposite bed on her phone chatting to her family...when she finished I asked for my drugs. When she came to give them to me I asked if I could have a word, I said I asked for my mess at 8pm if I get them quickly I feel better but you left me for two hours feeling ill, and then you sat talking on your phone it made me feel neglected. She apologised and after that always looked after me if she was on the ward, we ended up getting on very well, I have promised a delivery of cakes for everyone once I feel up to it.
My new neighbour in the bed opposite was 75 year old Joan a proper south London gran and great gran. Quite a character and had been in the hospital since February being 'fattened' up for her surgery to repair a fistula. She had the surgery whilst I was there on April 15th, she was so fearful she wouldn't come back but it seemed to go ok. We had some good chats and had a similar perspective on things but she would f and blind which I found funny although her daughters whenever they visited would be saying mum stop it it's embarrassing. I do hope she gets home soon, I gave her my number so I hope she does let me know how she gets on.
I continued feeling rough, no pain just incredibly ill...... I was pleased I got sorted via the clinic I couldn't imagine walking into Lewisham hospital and telling them in A&E I felt ill and being looked after.
The morning after I arrived my blood results were in and my infection markers were hitting the roof indicating that I had some big infection somewhere. A few days later after a CT scan and MRI which showed a mass of some sort around the bladder which seemed to be constricting my left ureter causing my left kidney to swell I had an op under GA.
It turned out I had a large abscess this was the mass they had seen around the kidney, they cleared it and took biopsies of what they found in the pelvis.
I immediately started to feel better and my temperatures stopped I also had huge amounts of antibiotics. The histology results confirmed that the mets have returned to my pelvis which is a bit of a bugger, especially as they have appeared so quickly. Mr George wonders if brachiotherapy might be an option on the tumour where radioactive seeds are placed directly in the tumour, there is also
chemo too. Ironically my lungs are still not affecting me which was always my onco's major concern.
How do I feel about this news? Well I guess it's just more of the same, I don't feel too bad just lacking in energy but doing more than I was. I don't think having cancer will really get to me until I am suffering
By week three I had enough and called the enhanced recovery nurse I was in contact with through the surgery I had at tommies in Jan. She spoke with my surgeon who suggested I turn up at his clinic at guys the following day.
Wednesday 3rd April and I haul myself out of bed, manage to find something to wear leggings and a sloppy jumper easy......wash my hair..hard and dry it.....harder. I realise I won't make the walk to the station so drive the car down, park it precariously on a double yellow and stick my disabled badge in the window hoping for a sympathetic traffic warden. Just as I am about to get out the phone rings, it's Stuart from beating bowel cancer asking if I can do an interview with sky later that day as the is piece running on he cancer drugs fund......I wish I had the energy and time but had to decline. This was to be the last time I used my lovely expensive phone, somehow I managed to lose it on the way to the hospital, I wasnt with it to be fair but it couldn't have gone at a most in opportune time as once Mr George w and examined me he decided I should be admitted.
The ward is in St Thomas's so they got me a cab and I managed to negotiate the interminable lift to get to the ward.
On arrival I met Sarah a lovely nurse who only just started working there a couple of days after I had my op in Jan, like meeting an old friend.
Again I ended up in the worst bed on the ward near the entrance in the far corner, luckily a couple of days later the bed with the view became vacant and they swopped me over to the view of the London, the Thames and Westminster bridge.
Oh dear somehow I have just lost the rest of the blog I just wrote, not in the mood to try again so I will cut to the chase......
A CT scan and MRI indicated a mass around my bladder, this was impeding the left ureter and
caused it to become restricted in turn causing the left kidney to swell. Urology were sent to look at it and discussed stents and drains into the kidney. The hope also being that whatever the mass was when removed would resolve the problem.
I ended up having another smaller op under GA where they discovered that the mass was a large abscess, no wonder I felt so bad....this was cleared and biopsies taken of other tissues which turned out to be a return of the tumour....this is quick in the scheme of things ESP as to date my tumours have meandered along slowly. It doesn't happen too often apparently but in my case it has.
There isn't anything left in the way of surgery really but my consultant pondered on whether brachiatherapy might be an option. Planting radio active seeds straight into the tumour....the MDT discuss me on Monday so I shall have to wait till then to see what they think.
Can't say it isn't a pain that I am back to square one with less options, but I don't feel it's over yet, chemo is still available though at this moment I am not up for it I just want a bit of time feeling normal again, I am still fighting with energy levels. I am not wailing or bemoaning, what's the point?
sooner I got my paracetamol the better I would feel. At handover at 8pm I told the nurses that I was
starting to feel rough and they assured me I would get my tablets once they had finished. I waited and waited, the night nurse I hadn't met before Janis, I watched her come and go until after two hours she sat by the opposite bed on her phone chatting to her family...when she finished I asked for my drugs. When she came to give them to me I asked if I could have a word, I said I asked for my mess at 8pm if I get them quickly I feel better but you left me for two hours feeling ill, and then you sat talking on your phone it made me feel neglected. She apologised and after that always looked after me if she was on the ward, we ended up getting on very well, I have promised a delivery of cakes for everyone once I feel up to it.
My new neighbour in the bed opposite was 75 year old Joan a proper south London gran and great gran. Quite a character and had been in the hospital since February being 'fattened' up for her surgery to repair a fistula. She had the surgery whilst I was there on April 15th, she was so fearful she wouldn't come back but it seemed to go ok. We had some good chats and had a similar perspective on things but she would f and blind which I found funny although her daughters whenever they visited would be saying mum stop it it's embarrassing. I do hope she gets home soon, I gave her my number so I hope she does let me know how she gets on.
I continued feeling rough, no pain just incredibly ill...... I was pleased I got sorted via the clinic I couldn't imagine walking into Lewisham hospital and telling them in A&E I felt ill and being looked after.
The morning after I arrived my blood results were in and my infection markers were hitting the roof indicating that I had some big infection somewhere. A few days later after a CT scan and MRI which showed a mass of some sort around the bladder which seemed to be constricting my left ureter causing my left kidney to swell I had an op under GA.
It turned out I had a large abscess this was the mass they had seen around the kidney, they cleared it and took biopsies of what they found in the pelvis.
I immediately started to feel better and my temperatures stopped I also had huge amounts of antibiotics. The histology results confirmed that the mets have returned to my pelvis which is a bit of a bugger, especially as they have appeared so quickly. Mr George wonders if brachiotherapy might be an option on the tumour where radioactive seeds are placed directly in the tumour, there is also
chemo too. Ironically my lungs are still not affecting me which was always my onco's major concern.
How do I feel about this news? Well I guess it's just more of the same, I don't feel too bad just lacking in energy but doing more than I was. I don't think having cancer will really get to me until I am suffering
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