A day stuck to the sofa, yesterday i tackled the garden, mowed the lawn potted on some plants, tidied the front garden, cleaned out the chickens ..... today i am shot. Woke up with the most horrendous headache, went to sleep with a toothache not sure which is worse, hoping the tooth will sort itself out, or leave me alone whatever works.
Just want to be able to move around as soon as i do thump thump thump!
Woke up this morning to the sound of children counting down until they opened the new school gates. The school is literally opposite my house and two years ago they started updating it. They have kept a couple of the old Edwardian buildings, it was built in 1905 and then added on new modern buildings. I have had a crane and various builders and trucks skips etc trundling past the house ever since.
All my three boys went ot the school but Zak the last left in September so we didn't get the benefit of the disruption at all!
It is nice to hear kids again though and they have moved the playground so that it is opposite us, a lost opportunity as i said to the boys to spy on them whilst they were at school!
The dogs are going to be fed up today as i cannot contemplate at the moment taking them out, they will ahve to make do with a visit to the garden.
Thump thump thump!
I ended up talking to the bowel cancer nurses about my thumping head, they suggested i call the chemo unit. I did and spoke to the locum chemo nurse she said go to A and E. Spoke to Louisa who said much same get checked out. Phoned my GP and a new receptionist said no sorry no appointment, in the past they have managed to fit me in. Still sitting on the sofa and thinkg that i really do not want to have to go anywhere but this head will not shift. Think i will have a bath and see how i feel then, the boys have bought themselves something to eat so that i don't have to cook.
Fed up with not feeling 100 percent i know that a lot of people feel worse than me but i want to be able to get on and do things and it seems i take one step forward then end up two steps back almost immediately. Chemo is really wearing, tempered by the fact that it is giving me longer time i hope but in the middle of it all it would be easy to give up.
Tuesday 17 April 2012
Thursday 12 April 2012
Busy Day
Woke up this morning to get Adam off to school to finish some course work for his GCSE's he has left it late and quite honestly hasn't done much in the way of revision. Mind you i was no different i don't think having such a disorganised mother is very helpful.
Then took the dogs for a walk through the park to go and have my line cleaned and bloods taken. I tie them up for a little while, we used to do that in the 70's with my dog and it wasn't such a big issue, the dog would wait patiently for our return as my dogs do now. However on one occasion i returned to find that someone had phoned the RSPCA as she thought the dogs had been abandoned. I love animals but i do despair these days of the way some people cosset them, my dogs were fine i came back they had a walk that they may not have had otherwise!
Then headed off to watch the boys singing at the school of rock Zak was fantastic and Adam was charismatic as ever i was really proud of them both.
Came home intending to tidy up, every room in the house is a real mess the fallout from having chemo and just not having the energy to get things done. Unfortunately the boys are not house trained i always found it easier to do than argue with the about when they were going to help me out. Joe lives in his room and keeps it tidy at least but Adam's room!!!!! typical teenager...Zak is heading that way but then my room is full of clothes that need to be sorted and put away but i never have the energy!
It isn't something that i feel i can ask for help with, the boys dad still lives in the house and is not working and was helping out when i asked....but i hate asking!
We had a big row then about a week ago, i headed up to Norfolk to attend a friends wedding and before leaving we talked which degenerated into a big argument during which is was told i have cancer because i am a bad person and that is God punishing me... i asked why his life hadn't worked out so well and he responded to that by saying it was because he listened to me! So a double whammy....he is Moroccan and knowing him i know he probably believes it but also that he was lashing out. But what it did do was confirm the need to sort this out once and for all, i told him he should leave he said 'when he gets his money' which he knows i can only do by selling the house which is the last thing i want to be doing under current circumstances.
Hey ho!
I meant to write more but i need to sleep always so tired of late and so much to be done!!! where did i put that wand?
Then took the dogs for a walk through the park to go and have my line cleaned and bloods taken. I tie them up for a little while, we used to do that in the 70's with my dog and it wasn't such a big issue, the dog would wait patiently for our return as my dogs do now. However on one occasion i returned to find that someone had phoned the RSPCA as she thought the dogs had been abandoned. I love animals but i do despair these days of the way some people cosset them, my dogs were fine i came back they had a walk that they may not have had otherwise!
Then headed off to watch the boys singing at the school of rock Zak was fantastic and Adam was charismatic as ever i was really proud of them both.
Came home intending to tidy up, every room in the house is a real mess the fallout from having chemo and just not having the energy to get things done. Unfortunately the boys are not house trained i always found it easier to do than argue with the about when they were going to help me out. Joe lives in his room and keeps it tidy at least but Adam's room!!!!! typical teenager...Zak is heading that way but then my room is full of clothes that need to be sorted and put away but i never have the energy!
It isn't something that i feel i can ask for help with, the boys dad still lives in the house and is not working and was helping out when i asked....but i hate asking!
We had a big row then about a week ago, i headed up to Norfolk to attend a friends wedding and before leaving we talked which degenerated into a big argument during which is was told i have cancer because i am a bad person and that is God punishing me... i asked why his life hadn't worked out so well and he responded to that by saying it was because he listened to me! So a double whammy....he is Moroccan and knowing him i know he probably believes it but also that he was lashing out. But what it did do was confirm the need to sort this out once and for all, i told him he should leave he said 'when he gets his money' which he knows i can only do by selling the house which is the last thing i want to be doing under current circumstances.
Hey ho!
I meant to write more but i need to sleep always so tired of late and so much to be done!!! where did i put that wand?
Friday 6 April 2012
Bowel Cancer Awareness month....pros' and cons
I haven't written for a while and this is April Bowel Cancer awareness month......in terms of symptoms i don't think i can write more than i have see my post symptomatic neglect.
In respect of awareness month i thought i would write about what has changed since being diagnosed with bowel cancer....what happens if you don't get diagnosed in time and you don't know the symptoms....well for me anyway.
Con's
1. Pain certainly i think i was more unusual to have been diagnosed in an emergency and unfortunately for me it wasn't in my local hospital a 15 minute walk from home, it was in Luxor Egypt on holiday. That's when i knew there was a problem.
2. A very uncomfortable plane journey home due to the air pressure on the tumour, not sure why it didn't happen on the way out but very glad that it didn't.
3. Admission to the east surrey and sussex hospital in Redhill, nearest to Gatwick and operation 4 days after landing to remove the tumour after being told that it was likely malignant.
4. Huge scar from just above my belly button to just above my groin, horrible...... bikini's are out tankini's in.
5. Recovering from major surgery
6. Sitting in hospital totally reliant on help from others, having to go to the loo escorted!!!
7. Having very invasive procedures and embarrassing conversations about poo and bowel movements.
8. Having so many CT scans that i have lost count, and before each one having to drink copious amounts of barium meal....looks like milk tastes like orange soooo wrong.
9. Having a dye injection during the CT scan that makes me feel like i will wet myself!....i haven't to date!
10. Two MRI scans ...very noisy!
11. Being told that the cancer had spread to the lungs.
12. Being told after a few months of telling them something was up that there is a tumour in the pelvis.
13. Being told various different things by various professionals about my chance of cure.....second bite of the cherry to there is nothing that can be done....having your hopes dashed!
14. Chemo making me feel ill.
15. Not being able to make plans for the long term future, not seeing grand children, not being part of important days in my boys lives.....leaving my boys motherless at an early age!
15. Chemo and Radio precipitating copious visits to the toliet....often in a hurry!
16. Telling my children that i have cancer.
17. Telling my friends that i have cancer.
18. Telling my family that i have cancer.
Pro's....are there pros in having cancer well yes there are!
1. Losing weight without even trying before and after my op, people thought i looked so well!!!!!
2. Realising the strength of feeling i engender in people, it isn't often that friends make comments so personally, and tell you how much they love you, cancer makes people say what they feel more than they may usually.
3. Having more interest in the world, i can't walk through the park or see a lovely sunny day without thinking how wonderful it is.
4. Having the time to sort out my affairs, not a con so much but really i am lucky in a sence to know that i have! to finish off all those things, photo's sorted, de clutter the house, update my will etc.
5. Meeting fantastic inspiring people through beating bowel cancer, knowing people who are going through the same thing.
6. Retiring early at a time when to have stayed working would have been so diffuicult for me, as social care is going to the wall...... things come to me when i need them...would rather a different way of course. If i stayed till july i would have a 5 grand drop in salery!
7. Having time to tell people how you feel about them and to leave something behind for them in the future, cancer gives you time to plan......
8. Allows you to live in hope.
Ok the con's outweigh the pros as it should, no one wants to have Cancer but i don't think that it comes in a completely negative package.
The best thing is to be aware, know the symptoms
Blood in poo without itching,
Change in bowel habit that last more than 3 weeks esp with looser poo,
Abdominal pain
anaemia
Bowel cancer gets left people don't want to talk about bowel habits, other cancers maybe caught early becuase people are more likely to discuss the symptoms.
But bowel cancer is the second biggest killer of men and women, and it has a 90 percent chance of cure if caught early!!!!!
In respect of awareness month i thought i would write about what has changed since being diagnosed with bowel cancer....what happens if you don't get diagnosed in time and you don't know the symptoms....well for me anyway.
Con's
1. Pain certainly i think i was more unusual to have been diagnosed in an emergency and unfortunately for me it wasn't in my local hospital a 15 minute walk from home, it was in Luxor Egypt on holiday. That's when i knew there was a problem.
2. A very uncomfortable plane journey home due to the air pressure on the tumour, not sure why it didn't happen on the way out but very glad that it didn't.
3. Admission to the east surrey and sussex hospital in Redhill, nearest to Gatwick and operation 4 days after landing to remove the tumour after being told that it was likely malignant.
4. Huge scar from just above my belly button to just above my groin, horrible...... bikini's are out tankini's in.
5. Recovering from major surgery
6. Sitting in hospital totally reliant on help from others, having to go to the loo escorted!!!
7. Having very invasive procedures and embarrassing conversations about poo and bowel movements.
8. Having so many CT scans that i have lost count, and before each one having to drink copious amounts of barium meal....looks like milk tastes like orange soooo wrong.
9. Having a dye injection during the CT scan that makes me feel like i will wet myself!....i haven't to date!
10. Two MRI scans ...very noisy!
11. Being told that the cancer had spread to the lungs.
12. Being told after a few months of telling them something was up that there is a tumour in the pelvis.
13. Being told various different things by various professionals about my chance of cure.....second bite of the cherry to there is nothing that can be done....having your hopes dashed!
14. Chemo making me feel ill.
15. Not being able to make plans for the long term future, not seeing grand children, not being part of important days in my boys lives.....leaving my boys motherless at an early age!
15. Chemo and Radio precipitating copious visits to the toliet....often in a hurry!
16. Telling my children that i have cancer.
17. Telling my friends that i have cancer.
18. Telling my family that i have cancer.
Pro's....are there pros in having cancer well yes there are!
1. Losing weight without even trying before and after my op, people thought i looked so well!!!!!
2. Realising the strength of feeling i engender in people, it isn't often that friends make comments so personally, and tell you how much they love you, cancer makes people say what they feel more than they may usually.
3. Having more interest in the world, i can't walk through the park or see a lovely sunny day without thinking how wonderful it is.
4. Having the time to sort out my affairs, not a con so much but really i am lucky in a sence to know that i have! to finish off all those things, photo's sorted, de clutter the house, update my will etc.
5. Meeting fantastic inspiring people through beating bowel cancer, knowing people who are going through the same thing.
6. Retiring early at a time when to have stayed working would have been so diffuicult for me, as social care is going to the wall...... things come to me when i need them...would rather a different way of course. If i stayed till july i would have a 5 grand drop in salery!
7. Having time to tell people how you feel about them and to leave something behind for them in the future, cancer gives you time to plan......
8. Allows you to live in hope.
Ok the con's outweigh the pros as it should, no one wants to have Cancer but i don't think that it comes in a completely negative package.
The best thing is to be aware, know the symptoms
Blood in poo without itching,
Change in bowel habit that last more than 3 weeks esp with looser poo,
Abdominal pain
anaemia
Bowel cancer gets left people don't want to talk about bowel habits, other cancers maybe caught early becuase people are more likely to discuss the symptoms.
But bowel cancer is the second biggest killer of men and women, and it has a 90 percent chance of cure if caught early!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)